Today was my weigh in/check in at the gym after one week on my 90-day challenge, Mediterranean Diet.

The week wasn't too bad. I focused on having half my plate being fruits and/or veggies above anything else. I laid off late night snacking as much as I could and tried to stick with three meals and maybe a little snack. I felt great and I really do like TMD on the whole.

Biggest challenge was booze. Not that I'm getting hammered every night or anything. But, I never have one glass of wine. Honest tracking helped me see the patterns and see how many of those glasses just weren't necessary.

We talk about how bad soda is for you, but if I had coke with a meal, I never had two cokes. or three cokes. That would be silly.

So, what gives with the booze?

I may need to not drink for a week, just as an experiment to see if I lose weight.

I went to the gym on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, just as I promised myself. It feels great.

Now, I need to do it again this week!

After my workout, I picked up my daughter from a sleepover and was offered breakfast. I ate one slice of french toast with no syrup, one slice bacon, a cup of strawberries and coffee.

And it was FINE!

For lunch I had more of my roasted chickpea salad over greens and I added a can of tuna for an extra protein punch.

Working lunch: roasted chickpeas, tuna, greens

I was so tempted to just go get a burger.

But I didn't!

Here were my results from week one:

Down 1 pound! **** correction**** down 1.6!

BP: 118/89

Yippe!

Day 5 on my 90 day challenge

This is just a quick check-in as I careen toward my first weigh in on Friday.

So, how's that Med. Diet going? Pretty well. My main goal is to have 1/2 my plate at each meal be something fresh (fruit/veggies). It's good that I'm doing this in the peak of yummy fruit and veggie season. I'm avoiding red meat and opting for lean proteins: boneless skinless chicken, shrimp, fish, eggs. It's not too bad. 

The biggest challenge is alcohol! Not that I'm getting throwin' down drunk, but I can't seem to have one glass of anything, no matter what. So, Friday I killed nearly a bottle of wine on my own, on Saturday, I had four drinks (3 were wine, 1 was a French 75), on Sunday, probably another four glasses, and even last night I had 2. That's a lot of wasted calories. 

But, I made a light shrimp scampi one night. On the party night there were finger foods, and while I ate more than one of each, they seemed healthy enough. I didn't totally load up. Sunday I made this and it was yummy and there's enough for leftovers for lunch this week. 

Yesterday's lunch: leftover baked chickpeas "Nile Nachos" a la The Smitten Kitchen

Last night we had some pre-cooked chicken in a bag and I cooked that with a little olive oil and onions and tomatoes and served over pasta and also had strawberries and sugar snap peas on the side. (And two glasses of wine...d'oh). 

I also went to the gym on Monday and looks like I'll be good for a MWF gym success!

My son gets promoted to high school on Wednesday. 

I've been juggling a lot of balls these past two months and I seem to have dropped them all this week and that's stressing me out!

Dinner: Day 1 of 90

On my first official day of my 90-day challenge, I worked hard to stay within my 1200 calories. We all really enjoyed dinner which was shrimp scampi over fresh-made fettucini from Phoenix Pastificio in Berkeley. I topped it with cheese that I purchased from the Grand Lake Farmer's Market in Oakland last weekend. I need to recognize how truly lucky I am to live in such a food mecca!

I measured out my portion and made sure half the plate was veggies: a leafy green salad with cucumbers and a fig balsamic vinegarette. I did indulge past the one glass of wine limit. It was Friday. But no dessert. No extra snacks. I'm calling it a "win."

The Truly Personalized Plan For Me...with input from my doctor, my trainer, a nutritionist, and a lot of serious reading on the subject.

After doing a LOT of research and working with my paid health staff (ha), this is what I'm going to do:

Eating Plan

• Follow the Mediterranean Diet and track portions.

This means:

• Three meals a day
• 50% of the meal must be fresh fruits and/or vegetables
• Limit red meat to every two weeks.
• Fish at least twice per week.
• Swap butter for healthy fat, but use in limited amounts.
• Severely reduce sugar (no drinking sugar).
• No more than 1 glass of wine per day.
• Very limited processed food.
• Take fish oil.
• Try the apple cider vinegar thing (jury is out on if this works for anything).

Tracking through My Fitness Pal, no more than 1200 calories per day.

Exercise Plan

• Go to the gym a minimum of three days a week. 

Mind

• Fire up the meditation aps.
• Blogging
• Explore why I eat
• Explore other ways I can nurture myself (this part is the hoaky part).

Day 1: 90 Day Challenge

I'm going to be perfectly honest here. I started my 90-Day challenge today and I'm scared. I'm emotional. This is not easy. I have a lot of negative feelings about it. I need to sort all of these things out. My trainer has been with me since 2015 when I started exercising. She knows me pretty well by now. It's a little humbling to try and "start" something and know that you can't bullshit your way with the person. She's extremely compassionate and is not being negative with me at all, but taking those measurements and stepping on that scale was a big downer for me, I ain't gonna lie.

Nothing I'm doing on this challenge is new. Or hard. Or weird. Or anything. I KNOW what to do, but it's the action and the accountability. I know that if I track and do the things I say I want to do I will see results. It's a mindset thing. Not a knowledge thing. It's an AWARENESS thing. When I start writing down what I put in my mouth, it's quite revealing.

But, I have to start somewhere and I hope to blog for the 90 days and be honest with myself about all of this and we'll see where I end up.

Here were the stats today:

Weight: 192.2 lbs
BMI: 33

Chest: 45 in
Waist: 43 in
Hip: 46 in
Thigh: 21 in

And here are the "befores" in all their hideous glory:

I'm purposely sticking out the belly and making a pouty face and not wearing anything cool. All in hopes of a reveal in 90 days that will sell books! Ha.

It's interesting to see this body. I can say that I have nice legs! But, where I gain my weight is the danger. I don't have the curvy figure of a plus-model. I am definitely not pear-shaped. I don't even know if that's an apple! I think it's more like a mushroom!!! Anyway, at this point in my life, I'm not really caring about vanity. But I do know from a health perspective, I'm a heart-attack-waiting-to-happen.

But, to end this on a high note, I'd like to say this, I have amazing friends and family. Life is good. I'm not caught up in material things. I like to have a good time. And no matter what I weigh or how old I am, I believe you can still enjoy dressing up, looking good and feeling good. I went from never exercising to at least hitting a gym 2 x a week and I'm upping that to one more day. I enjoy life. And, yesterday, I dressed up in a fun outfit and went out in the world and it was all ok (see yesterday's post).

I know that if I could conquer some of these bad habits, I would just feel better than I do now!

Today is the last day of the rest of my life...or something

I come to you a humble sinner. May Weight Watchers have mercy on my soul!

Two years from last post and I may weigh more (frankly, I'm afraid to check).

I'm older.

Wiser.

Whatever.

But, here I am again with another hope and prayer to make a lifestyle change. I cannot guarantee results, but I hope I get points for trying.

Tomorrow, I start a 90-day challenge. June 1 to September 1. I will go to the gym and get weighed and measured and set goals and all that.

How is this different from all the other times? 

Who the heck knows? To be honest, I've never actually done anything like this. A 90-day commitment, with outlined goals made to another person, so we'll see if it works.

Here's my BEFORE "Before" picture. I wore bright colors today. I have to start with acknowledging this person who is more than just a lumpy, middle-aged pile of fat. I'm busy. I work nearly full time (sometimes this means working late, early, from my car), volunteer at school and community, and parent (somewhat badly) -- AND I have friends and a LIFE that includes wine and cocktails and ALL THE THINGS.

All things considered, I' not doing too badly at 53. And, despite trying to sabotage things in many spectacular ways since before adulthood, I ACTUALLY STILL HAVE MY HEALTH!

Tomorrow, the "before" will be me in my clingy, unflattering workout clothes. And I'll not have makeup on and I'll make a frown and be frumpy so the big reveal will play better. I'll come here and document the findings and the planning moving forward for the next 90 days. And I'm grateful, for now, that no one will be paying attention to this blog!

On Track Post Spring Break

We all spent a week in South Louisiana for Spring Break and it was really awesome. I have not been back home in springtime and aside from the torrential rain storms that crop up, it's an amazing time to be there. Not too hot, the wild irises are in bloom, the new leaves are on the trees. And crawfish are in season!

I'm guilty of promoting the idea that Louisiana is all about overeating and drinking a lot. That is part of the culture to a point, but there's so much more. I get homesick for my mom's cooking, but it's the landscape, the humid feeling, thunderstorms, the whole rhythm of the place. This goes for my bayou country as well as New Orleans.

My parents backyard along Bayou Lafourche in Raceland, Louisiana

We started our trip with our family's annual Good Friday Crawfish Boil. Not as solemn as the local religious establishment would like, but a long time tradition that is too good to mess with. In fact, I always thought it was called "Good Friday" because of the crawfish and family time!

These guys are MASTERS at the art of Crawfish boiling!

One of the cousins brought some old photos from 1961, so this thing is at LEAST that old.

That's my daddy front and center. 

Easter Sunday started out very rainy and we had to drive into New Orleans for my goddaughter's First Communion. It was a great day. Entered in pouring rain and left with glorious sunshine.

The next day, we drove west to Avery Island and toured the Tabasco plant and Jungle Gardens. The Tabasco tour has been revamped and seems to still be in development. I got a great whiff of the putrid smell of fermenting hot sauce but not enough pay off scent from the finished product. Way different from the old days when you got to be inside the plant and they'd open up a barrel for you to smell. Still love the beautiful "Jungle Gardens," tho.

The next day, my mom and dad took the kids to our family fishing camp and my husband and I got a couple of days in New Orleans. We walked a little bit on Magazine, then in the Quarter where browsed our favorite bookstore, FAULKNER HOUSE BOOKS, and had a cocktail at Beachbum Berry's. Then, we spent the night at my friend's newly purchased mid-century wonder in the neighborhood of Gentilly. The next day, David and I went to the New Orleans Museum of Art and the sculpture garden and lunch at Cafe Degas.

The storms started to roll in and after dinner at Jacque-Imos, we sat on the balcony of my friend's spare apartment and watched the wind blow the clouds. Magic!

Oysters and a cocktail at St. Roch's Market in the Marigny.

Gorgeous live oaks and puddles in City Park in front of the museum (NOMA).

Fun with shiny art in the sculpture garden.

Balcony view in the Carrollton neighborhood AirBnB thanks to our generous friends!

We got back to Raceland in time for another big storm and braved Highway 90 to take the kids to see the WWII Museum. Should not have been surprised to discover that most people in driving distance had the exact same idea! Super packed!

Our last day turned out to be gorgeous and we watched the kayakers, canoers and other paddlers come down the bayou from Thibodaux for the annual PADDLE BAYOU LAFOURCHE. Now, we have another non-food/non-boozey reason to go back in spring!

All in all, a great trip.

AND, guess what?

I lost a pound!

I got back on track with exercise and returned to the gym on Monday and again on Tuesday. Hopefully we have some momentum here with some weight loss, too!

Next post, we'll get back to business. I think it's important to reflect on good times that are NOT about obsessing about exercise and weight loss, tho!

Life is good! Ca c'est bon!

Food, Excuses, and Obstruction

The diet issue.

I thought that incorporating exercise would be the hardest thing, but a year later, while not easy, I'm really all about the back patting on my accomplishment. I am proud that I was able to figure out how to make this a part of my life.

To do this, it was not easy. It's expensive. It's time consuming. I had a lot of obstacles to overcome and I can now say a year in, I have figured out a way to at least get four days a week in and am working on a fifth.

Somehow, I fell in love with the process of making this happen. I didn't look at any big goals. There was no final outcome that I sought that would tell me I "won." When making a change to your lifestyle, I do believe that it is THE PROCESS that you need to focus on and not the result.

The question is,

CAN I DO THIS WITH MY EATING HABITS?

Why is changing my eating lifestyle so hard?

Here are some excuses:

• I have a busy schedule.
• I have to feed picky children. 
• I have to feed a somewhat picky husband. 
• I LIKE the social aspects of eating. 
• I love to eat. 
• I love to cook. 
• I feel deprived when I cannot indulge. 
• I feel like my approach to eating and enjoying food is part of my identity. 
• I feel that there's no point to trying to lose weight because I'm just going to gain it back again. 
• I feel that the only way to achieve weight loss is to not eat and especially not eat anything worthwhile. 
• It seems that the amount of calories I need to lose and then maintain or just not a lot. 

OK, so let me break some of this down. Which of these can I easily throw out?

The first three. I can't use those excuses. I eat a lot of weird stuff and I'm experimental and my attitude is SCREW them. So, if I make elaborate, not-so-healthy meals without caring what the family will eat, there shouldn't be a change. The busy schedule is an issue, but I overcame that with the exercise, so we know that I can't use that as an excuse.

Also, I love to cook should be an asset to this whole endeavor, so let's throw that out. Now I'm left with:

• I LIKE the social aspects of eating. 
• I love to eat. 
• I feel deprived when I cannot indulge. 
• I feel like my approach to eating and enjoying food is part of my identity. 
• I feel that there's no point to trying to lose weight because I'm just going to gain it back again. 
• I feel that the only way to achieve weight loss is to not eat and especially not eat anything worthwhile. 
• It seems that the amount of calories I need to lose and then maintain or just not a lot. 

The other ones are way more difficult to sort out and to overcome, I think.

I'm very concerned that if I don't make some significant daily lifestyle changes to my diet, I will be diagnosed with Type II diabetes in the next couple of years! My bp is still on the higher side (123/84 this morning) with medication and age will only make that worse.

Time is NOT on my side.

Ideally, I'd love to find a daily eating plan that wouldn't have me give it all up. Whole 30, Paleo, anything that asks me to just fully give up sugar and carbs DISTRESSES ME!

WHY IS THAT?

Am I some sort of addict and I'm in deep, deep denial?

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS? DO I HAVE IT IN ME TO CHANGE?

Interesting Take on Why Exercising Doesn't Translate to Weight Loss

Well, this is an interesting read:

Link here: 
http://www.cnn.com/2016/01/28/health/weight-loss-exercise-plateau/

I'd Like to Thank the Academy...

I spent an embarrassing number of minutes today whining about what I have not accomplished in regards to weight loss.

Then, I looked at the calendar.

Yesterday was the official milestone marker of when I changed from being a couch potato to an exerciser. One year ago, March 7, 2015, was when I started with my trainer, Kara at All in One Fitness in Alameda, Ca.

Over the weekend, I put in a bunch of stats we've collected on the worn out manila folders into a spreadsheet. Yes, my weight hovered near the same, but the bp numbers are down and stable and it was great just to see how many days in the last year that I was in there! Just the fact that I went in on those days is a miracle!

While I could take time with my list of things I wish had happened, I have to say I'm very proud of this milestone. It was a considerable investment in myself involving both time and money and I'm grateful to be in the position to have done such an investment so I thank my supportive husband, for sure.

I'd like to thank Kara and her incredible team, who helped me realize this goal. Everyone has been so supportive through my ups and downs. They really do care. I feel so comfortable in that place.

I'd like to thank my new gym friends, Meredith, Chris and Lindy and a couple who's names I don't know, but who I see there on a regular basis. We're all in this together.

In the course of this year I have been able to improve my physical state in a very big way.

• I feel strong.
• I can see definition in my arms and legs. 
• I can take a steep flight of stairs without fearing I'm going to die.
• It's easier for me to get up off the floor.
• My systolic blood pressure has consistently been 120 or less.
• I am down four pounds since I first weighed in. I know, it's not much, but since I only focused on exercise, it means something. 
• I sleep very well.
• I'm no longer fearful of the gym.
• Stress levels are way, way down. (If I had to pick one really concrete difference that I feel, it is this!)
• I'm at a point where if I don't work out, I feel bad about it; I miss it. THIS IS HUGE.
• I know that even if I don't lose any pounds, that this change has been a good one and something I should never give up.

I had to write these things down, because I'm a bit angry that the weight hasn't come off. 

People keep trying to offer advice. I don't think exercise helps you lose weight. I no longer believe that. But, it gives you a ton of other things. 

Here are my goals for the coming year (and it's a bit scary to write this down and post in the world): 

• Change my eating habits for calorie reduction.
• How? I'm working on new eating plans and new ideas for "go-to" foods. Too often I reach for the same things and they are very calorie rich, but not so nutrition dense.
• Run a small race, like a 5K or something.
• How? Enroll, maybe Bay to Breakers or the one in our town on the 4th of July and start increasing my running in nature time (I need to move from the treadmill to the street).
• Increase workout sessions from four days to five days a week.
• Thursdays are just sitting there waiting to be scheduled!
• Be nice to myself.
• For the many things I can beat myself up about, I know I'm doing the best I can in the best tortoise way I can and it's ok.

What are your goals for the next 12 months and how will you meet them?

Not Quite Ready for My Close-Up, Mr. DeMille

Midweek, I'm back at the gym and tracking. That's me, up there, amid my very messy office. I'm determined to take photos of myself as part of this process. I am also doing some decluttering, but you have to break eggs to make an omelette. I was going to try and do a video post today, but I chickened out. Maybe next week.

Friday is the scale day so not sure what to expect when I step on. I admit to weighing in whenever I go to the gym, but the only one that counts is Friday. I've been officially tracking and monitoring and limiting intake for two weeks. I have data. Promising data. But, I'm not going to report any real numbers unless I get below the hover weight. Not there yet.

I got a haircut today and some new clothes. Trying to treat myself like someone feeling good about herself. I'm not smaller, but I DO feel good.

I came back from a weekend in Tahoe with five other families. We had a great time, despite tween hormones (three girls and seven boys ages 8 through 12), living with 20 people for a few days, not being into skiing, and wanting to play it cool with the imbibing and the eating. We took turns making somewhat healthy meals and no one really sat around eating mindlessly. I have had some good times with these families, but all the moms, at least, are in a state of wanting to tone down some of the antics from our earlier days. Sounds fine to me.

The weekend was great. Beautiful, warm weather, but enough snow on the ground to keep the kids occupied. All the old people are low-carbing it so it was rather subdued in both eating and alcohol intake.

And, Lake Tahoe is just lovely, no matter what.

My daughter took this shot while driving to a sledding park.

We started out going to Camp Richardson in South Lake Tahoe about six years ago with Cub Scouts and the boys and families have been friends ever since. They're in Boy Scouts now and in different troops, but we decided to try and keep the tradition alive.

Yes, that's MY son in shorts and a t-shirt while all the others are dressed somewhat appropriately.

I took one last photo of my two at the sign (we have six years of these now).

Also, my oldest, Miles is now 12. Hard to believe...

Tortoise In Motion

A couple of things happening this week for me as I press onward...

• I'm now in my second week of tracking and hitting my calorie goals. I'm using My Fitness Pal and right now, just trying to hit the target that they calculated for me best I can. Last week, this translated to a loss of 1.5 pounds, but because I've been hovering within a four pound range for a year, I am not going to get excited about that until I fall below that zone. SO EVERYONE, KEEP YOUR SHELLS ON. Too soon to celebrate. 
• It's so weird that even knowing that when I've been successful at weight control, it's because of tracking--I still think it is the hardest thing. Why? I don't know. Why is tracking such a pain in the ass? Right now, I like it, but honestly, it does mean you have to think about food before, during and after eating and I think that's what sucks. I'm not sure what the alternative would be. Also, the physical act of writing it down works better for me than just keying it into My Fitness Pal. I can't explain that either.
• I'm more committed than ever to showing up to the gym. I don't even worry about what I'll do when I get there because, even now, fully committed, GETTING THERE is still the hardest thing for me. But, the voice that always started screaming about all the things I could be doing is a lot smaller--about a stage whisper. I now know that my 8:30-9:30 slot is booked and I'm work my life around that. I still need to get Thursday in there, but for now Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday are solid. 
• A friend complimented me on my commitment to exercise, but asked, "So, if you got a full time job, would you still be getting in this amount of exercise." I can't really answer that. But, that is not my reality and I have no intention of going back to a corporate job EVER!
• I found a used Polar M400 on Amazon Warehouse. Got it for about $60. The Polar family offers some great products, but the interface is just WONKY. I may end up saving up for an Apple Watch after all. I like the devices. I'm very data driven. The FT7 was great, but didn't sync up to anything and if you think the interface on their watches is bad, the website is even worse. Can't someone simplify this stuff for normal people? Still, when not hooked up to the heart rate monitor, the M400 works like a FitBit and it looks cool on my arm, if a bit "man-ish."
• Still getting used to having this thing on my arm. I'm not so sure wearing a monitor 24/7 is necessary for me so the jury is still out on how useful this is. Perhaps the Apple Watch would be a more all-purpose device. Am I talking myself into an expensive techy toy? Why, yes, I think that I am! But, baby steps. I'm kind of thinking of having that be a reward, if by December, I've finally lost the weight I've been trying to shed for, oh, 10 years or so.

• I'm feeling pretty good.
• Not once do I ever say, after I exercise, that I wish I hadn't. Never. Never ever. 

What Do I Have to Gain?

I had no intention of blogging twice today, but this quote floated on my facebook feed and it really resonated with me.

I was able to make a rather radical change last year, when I worked very hard at incorporating exercise in my life. The very hardest thing about doing that was changing my overall mindset to crawl and scratch right over it and become someone I did not think I was. As I look back on it, I think, ya know, it wasn't so bad. I was able to do it and the positives of doing it certainly outweigh the negatives.

Starting to move my body and challenge my body was all new and the usual things I thought I was promised--weight loss being the number one--were not the things that happened or even motivated me!

That said, my extra weight still remains a problem for me and I realize when my trainer or anyone talks to me about making dietary changes, my reaction to this is deep in my core.

When I start hearing about low carbs, paleo, no sugar or any of those things, I react deeply. A couple of weeks ago when talking with my trainer, I didn't mention this, but the diet changes terrify me. I can't even explain it. I know that if I move toward healthier eating and lowering my intake to reduce my weight do not mean that I will never again eat a cheeseburger. Or pie. Or getting smashed on a really nice bottle of Pinot Noir. I know this. I know that I can live my life mostly eating sensibly with the occasional celebration. I have proof that this worked for me once.

But, recently, I really locked into those feelings that well up. I don't want to be that person. That person who is healthy and obsessed with what's in stuff or how it will translate to the belly. I just don't.

However, why is that any worse than the internal voice that lives in my now? The one that hears the word "FAT" over and over and over and over and over in my head? The one that feels guilty after too much indulgence? The one that despite knowing that I don't need some crazy fatty, gross meal will still egg me on to do it? How is that any better?

Why do I obsess with what I need to give up?

******

So, let's think about this?

What do I have to give up to change my dietary habits?

1. Being able to just eat what I want when I want.
2. Unawareness (similar to #1).
3. I can't think of a third.

Basically, I give up being able to behave like an uncontrolled child!

I pretty much want to live like a middle-aged spoiled brat.

What do I have to gain by making a change to my dietary habits?

1. Losing weight.
2. Feeling better.
3. More control over what goes into my body.
4. Better day-to-day life.
5. Success
6. Less guilt when I do indulge because I will decide when that happens!

Staying the Course: Nearing the End of Week 1 of Tracking and Managing Intake

This is Week 1 for me with regards to managing my food intake. 

I was going to write about how hard it is and all that, but in actuality, I'm ready. I'm ready to monitor my food intake. 

My tracking week is Friday to Friday. I admit to weighing myself every day that I go into the gym. I don't own a home scale, and I'm resisting getting one. It'll just make me crazy and when things go sour, be a source of anger. Not. Gonna. Doit.

Weighing more than once a week can be daunting as things fluctuate a lot. I'm going to keep telling myself that this is science. I'm just getting data. In any situation, you cannot effectively make long range decisions based on anecdotal evidence. It can give you some guidance, but not long range. 

Because I'm now using my body for scientific purposes, here's what's happening: 

According to My Fitness Pal, I need to be eating no more than 1820 calories a day without exercise. Technically, if I workout, I get a couple slices a bread, but that's it. My goal is to stay around that 1820 whether I exercise or not and see what happens. 

Daily numbers are showing a downward trend, but I can't tell you if that's going to work for the long haul so stay tuned. 

Here's what I know about tracking: it is the ONLY WAY TO GET VALID FEEDBACK on my eating habits! I KNOW this from years of experience. There's something empowering about getting on the scale and no matter what the number, knowing that my past behavior was one way or another. 

It really is the only way. 

People who lose weight and keep it off for the long term 100% report that they continue to TRACK and EXERCISE. 

My Fitness Pal also monitors micronutrients, but for now, I'm just going to focus on calories in/calories out. 

I'm also paying attention to my hunger levels. 

The real weigh-in is Friday.

What I Learned Today: Knowledge Does NOT Equal Awareness

At this point in my life, I know what a healthy diet looks like. I read about science, and food and health ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. I know, I know.

I have enough nutrition knowledge at this point to probably become a nutritionist.

I can instantly look at any food and translate it into the Weight Watchers point system.

I can look at a cheeseburger and in my head calculate the calories.

Congratulations to me and my big freakin' brain with all the knowledge.

Knowledge is NOT power!

We are drowning in information.

Knowledge is nothing without awareness.

I do not have awareness. I'm so lacking in awareness, I'm like when Daffy Duck is running and goes off the cliff and doesn't fall until he realizes he's standing in  mid-air.

I'm that unaware!

As I embark upon my year of mindfulness, I've had some pretty huge awakenings on a few things and it's kind of blowing my mind.

Last week, at the urging of my trainer, I began to unravel the mystery of my dead-on maintaining of my weight by tracking everything.

I got my journal and I was completely honest.

I didn't go back and count calories or anything and I didn't monitor myself or hold back because of the documentation.

Today, I went in and input it all into My Fitness Pal and boy, did it reveal a lot.

How can I know so much about food and be so utterly unaware of my own behavior? If I were my own personal chef or nutritionist, I'd be wagging a finger all up in my face.

You know why I can't lose any weight?

I EAT A LOT. 

No question.

In fact, in looking at what I ate last week, which I will say is probably pretty typical, I'm floored at the calorie intake! It was downright shameful. I had no idea. I'm not a binge eater (I tell myself). You won't see me downing a bag of chips or a plate of cookies or candy. I'm kind of a three squares a day person, but the amount was...well, let's just say I had more than one day of more than 3,000 calories! I guess I kept telling myself that because I wasn't gorging the entire day, that somehow I was in control. But, I'm not. This was a typical week. Like most weeks. there are always a few "eating events" and some cheats and the occasional unconscious salad along the way. It was the Super Bowl and Mardi Gras this week. This will always happen and I have done a terrible job managing that.

The next step, now that I have scientific evidence of what I'm doing in the wild, is changing the behavior.

Awareness is hard.

Behavior change even harder.

Because I'm embracing this gradual, drip-drip process, I'm hatching a plan that hopefully will help me develop a daily eating plan that will incorporate into my fun-loving, omnivorous lifestyle.

Stay tuned.

We Rise Again From Ashes

Today is Ash Wednesday. While this is not a spiritual blog in any specific way, I'm using my faith practice to help with my journey of health. I'm also using my health journey as part of my spiritual journey.

ALERT: I'm not going to espouse any sort of specific spirituality, so please don't worry. But I am going to reference what I know so bear with me. 

I'm feeling very reflective and somber today. And yes, it's partially because I do practice (somewhat loosely), my native faith and I will honestly tell you even when I was a militant atheist, I secretly focused inward during Lent. And, this particular time in the Christian calendar remains my personal favorite. I also grew up in South Louisiana, and while people nationwide are embracing the Mardi Gras spirit, I don't think the carnival season has any meaning without what is supposed to follow.

I had the chance to spend the early part of the parade season in New Orleans with a dear friend who is also named Lynn and whose birthday is the day after mine. Also, her dad is from the city so she also shares a direct connection to it. We always talked about going to New Orleans together and we made it happen.

Right after an amazing 25 cent martini lunch at Commander's Palace.

It was glorious! In between drinking and celebrating, we browsed art galleries and antique shops on Magazine, wandered through the Lafayette #1 cemetery on Washington Street and let ourselves wilt like delicate Southern flowers in our gorgeous St. Charles Avenue apartment. It was a dream of mine to be on St. Charles Avenue during carnival and this was it. I got to spend time with my parents, cousins, friends and drink in the sounds, smells, and ambience of my beloved Mardi Gras. It was so much fun (clean, legal fun, but fun!).

Krewe of Cleopatra, Friday January 29.

And, all that revelry has led me to today where I'm very ready to be sober, reflective and focused. I'm taking a leap and giving up alcohol for the entire Lenten season. I'm doing it to feel better and to see what taking that one thing out of my life will do for me overall. Six weeks is a good time frame to see if there's a difference and I'm going to be paying very close attention to that. But also, in the Catholic tradition, those things you give up are supposed help you focus more on your spiritual self and I've felt very disconnected from that so my intention is come back to that. I do not force my own beliefs on others, by any means, but I do think feeding your soul in whatever way you choose is essential to one's well being.

In addition, I'm going to follow the Catholic tradition of fasting today and not eating meat (land animals). Today I'm supposed to only eat the equivalent of one meal throughout the day. This is to be in solidarity with the poor. And, we eat fish to help the fishermen. I like that.

I'll be blogging my way through these next six weeks so we'll see how it goes.

But, let's look back on my fun time leading up to today. (These photos are not in chronological order).

Brass band for 'Tit Rex in the Marigny, Jan. 30.

Chewbacchus, January 30.

Breakfast with my friends, L-to-R, Dinee, me, Lynn and Brad, Jan. 31.

My cousin, Kelly and her husband, Andy and her wonderful kids, Parker and Avery met me for Sunday parades on Jan. 31.

We didn't really attack the oyster man at Pascal Manales. He was such a good sport. Jan. 28.

Streetcars right in front of my apartment was MAGIC!

The "during" of the 25 cent martini lunch at Commander's. (No these are not in order).

Chewbacchus, Jan. 30

My birthday lunch, Jan. 30.

Avery is my godchild. She's got wonderful New Orleans spirit! Also, check out my "guns." Yeah, I work out.

'Tit Rex is this wonderful "micro" krewe. So creative! 

The Lynns shared a LOT of King Cake on this trip! 

Back on Track for 2016

Things fell apart for me and my exercise commitment about midway through December.

Here's why it still wasn't the same as before:

In previous years, I had no exercise commitment. 

So there!

Feels good to look at that.

Getting back there today wasn't easy, per se, but it wasn't bad. I set the bar low: I just had to show up.

My stats show a one pound gain in the last two weeks. Not great, but ok considering.

My plan for 2016 is to build on the momentum and the exercise foundation. I think I'm ready to change my eating.

It's not possible for me to give up anything completely so I'm not going to do that. I'm going to take my dietary upgrades week by week and not doom myself if I veer off. I know what I'm supposed to do.

My biggest issues are:

Portion control
Too much sugar
Too much alcohol

So I'm going to focus on those things.

I'm tracking my meals on My Fitness Pal and we'll see how it goes.

This month, I two fun trips planned that will involve eating and drinking: MLK weekend to San Diego and Palm Springs and New Orleans the last weekend for my birthday.

My plan is to stay the course this month on the days I'm not traveling. That gives me about a week this month to "play."

In other news, I got a new camera for Christmas from my husband and I took a couple of photo walks. Way better than eating or drinking.