Tortoise In Motion

A couple of things happening this week for me as I press onward...

• I'm now in my second week of tracking and hitting my calorie goals. I'm using My Fitness Pal and right now, just trying to hit the target that they calculated for me best I can. Last week, this translated to a loss of 1.5 pounds, but because I've been hovering within a four pound range for a year, I am not going to get excited about that until I fall below that zone. SO EVERYONE, KEEP YOUR SHELLS ON. Too soon to celebrate. 
• It's so weird that even knowing that when I've been successful at weight control, it's because of tracking--I still think it is the hardest thing. Why? I don't know. Why is tracking such a pain in the ass? Right now, I like it, but honestly, it does mean you have to think about food before, during and after eating and I think that's what sucks. I'm not sure what the alternative would be. Also, the physical act of writing it down works better for me than just keying it into My Fitness Pal. I can't explain that either.
• I'm more committed than ever to showing up to the gym. I don't even worry about what I'll do when I get there because, even now, fully committed, GETTING THERE is still the hardest thing for me. But, the voice that always started screaming about all the things I could be doing is a lot smaller--about a stage whisper. I now know that my 8:30-9:30 slot is booked and I'm work my life around that. I still need to get Thursday in there, but for now Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday are solid. 
• A friend complimented me on my commitment to exercise, but asked, "So, if you got a full time job, would you still be getting in this amount of exercise." I can't really answer that. But, that is not my reality and I have no intention of going back to a corporate job EVER!
• I found a used Polar M400 on Amazon Warehouse. Got it for about $60. The Polar family offers some great products, but the interface is just WONKY. I may end up saving up for an Apple Watch after all. I like the devices. I'm very data driven. The FT7 was great, but didn't sync up to anything and if you think the interface on their watches is bad, the website is even worse. Can't someone simplify this stuff for normal people? Still, when not hooked up to the heart rate monitor, the M400 works like a FitBit and it looks cool on my arm, if a bit "man-ish."
• Still getting used to having this thing on my arm. I'm not so sure wearing a monitor 24/7 is necessary for me so the jury is still out on how useful this is. Perhaps the Apple Watch would be a more all-purpose device. Am I talking myself into an expensive techy toy? Why, yes, I think that I am! But, baby steps. I'm kind of thinking of having that be a reward, if by December, I've finally lost the weight I've been trying to shed for, oh, 10 years or so.

• I'm feeling pretty good.
• Not once do I ever say, after I exercise, that I wish I hadn't. Never. Never ever. 

What Do I Have to Gain?

I had no intention of blogging twice today, but this quote floated on my facebook feed and it really resonated with me.

I was able to make a rather radical change last year, when I worked very hard at incorporating exercise in my life. The very hardest thing about doing that was changing my overall mindset to crawl and scratch right over it and become someone I did not think I was. As I look back on it, I think, ya know, it wasn't so bad. I was able to do it and the positives of doing it certainly outweigh the negatives.

Starting to move my body and challenge my body was all new and the usual things I thought I was promised--weight loss being the number one--were not the things that happened or even motivated me!

That said, my extra weight still remains a problem for me and I realize when my trainer or anyone talks to me about making dietary changes, my reaction to this is deep in my core.

When I start hearing about low carbs, paleo, no sugar or any of those things, I react deeply. A couple of weeks ago when talking with my trainer, I didn't mention this, but the diet changes terrify me. I can't even explain it. I know that if I move toward healthier eating and lowering my intake to reduce my weight do not mean that I will never again eat a cheeseburger. Or pie. Or getting smashed on a really nice bottle of Pinot Noir. I know this. I know that I can live my life mostly eating sensibly with the occasional celebration. I have proof that this worked for me once.

But, recently, I really locked into those feelings that well up. I don't want to be that person. That person who is healthy and obsessed with what's in stuff or how it will translate to the belly. I just don't.

However, why is that any worse than the internal voice that lives in my now? The one that hears the word "FAT" over and over and over and over and over in my head? The one that feels guilty after too much indulgence? The one that despite knowing that I don't need some crazy fatty, gross meal will still egg me on to do it? How is that any better?

Why do I obsess with what I need to give up?

******

So, let's think about this?

What do I have to give up to change my dietary habits?

1. Being able to just eat what I want when I want.
2. Unawareness (similar to #1).
3. I can't think of a third.

Basically, I give up being able to behave like an uncontrolled child!

I pretty much want to live like a middle-aged spoiled brat.

What do I have to gain by making a change to my dietary habits?

1. Losing weight.
2. Feeling better.
3. More control over what goes into my body.
4. Better day-to-day life.
5. Success
6. Less guilt when I do indulge because I will decide when that happens!

Staying the Course: Nearing the End of Week 1 of Tracking and Managing Intake

This is Week 1 for me with regards to managing my food intake. 

I was going to write about how hard it is and all that, but in actuality, I'm ready. I'm ready to monitor my food intake. 

My tracking week is Friday to Friday. I admit to weighing myself every day that I go into the gym. I don't own a home scale, and I'm resisting getting one. It'll just make me crazy and when things go sour, be a source of anger. Not. Gonna. Doit.

Weighing more than once a week can be daunting as things fluctuate a lot. I'm going to keep telling myself that this is science. I'm just getting data. In any situation, you cannot effectively make long range decisions based on anecdotal evidence. It can give you some guidance, but not long range. 

Because I'm now using my body for scientific purposes, here's what's happening: 

According to My Fitness Pal, I need to be eating no more than 1820 calories a day without exercise. Technically, if I workout, I get a couple slices a bread, but that's it. My goal is to stay around that 1820 whether I exercise or not and see what happens. 

Daily numbers are showing a downward trend, but I can't tell you if that's going to work for the long haul so stay tuned. 

Here's what I know about tracking: it is the ONLY WAY TO GET VALID FEEDBACK on my eating habits! I KNOW this from years of experience. There's something empowering about getting on the scale and no matter what the number, knowing that my past behavior was one way or another. 

It really is the only way. 

People who lose weight and keep it off for the long term 100% report that they continue to TRACK and EXERCISE. 

My Fitness Pal also monitors micronutrients, but for now, I'm just going to focus on calories in/calories out. 

I'm also paying attention to my hunger levels. 

The real weigh-in is Friday.

What I Learned Today: Knowledge Does NOT Equal Awareness

At this point in my life, I know what a healthy diet looks like. I read about science, and food and health ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME. I know, I know.

I have enough nutrition knowledge at this point to probably become a nutritionist.

I can instantly look at any food and translate it into the Weight Watchers point system.

I can look at a cheeseburger and in my head calculate the calories.

Congratulations to me and my big freakin' brain with all the knowledge.

Knowledge is NOT power!

We are drowning in information.

Knowledge is nothing without awareness.

I do not have awareness. I'm so lacking in awareness, I'm like when Daffy Duck is running and goes off the cliff and doesn't fall until he realizes he's standing in  mid-air.

I'm that unaware!

As I embark upon my year of mindfulness, I've had some pretty huge awakenings on a few things and it's kind of blowing my mind.

Last week, at the urging of my trainer, I began to unravel the mystery of my dead-on maintaining of my weight by tracking everything.

I got my journal and I was completely honest.

I didn't go back and count calories or anything and I didn't monitor myself or hold back because of the documentation.

Today, I went in and input it all into My Fitness Pal and boy, did it reveal a lot.

How can I know so much about food and be so utterly unaware of my own behavior? If I were my own personal chef or nutritionist, I'd be wagging a finger all up in my face.

You know why I can't lose any weight?

I EAT A LOT. 

No question.

In fact, in looking at what I ate last week, which I will say is probably pretty typical, I'm floored at the calorie intake! It was downright shameful. I had no idea. I'm not a binge eater (I tell myself). You won't see me downing a bag of chips or a plate of cookies or candy. I'm kind of a three squares a day person, but the amount was...well, let's just say I had more than one day of more than 3,000 calories! I guess I kept telling myself that because I wasn't gorging the entire day, that somehow I was in control. But, I'm not. This was a typical week. Like most weeks. there are always a few "eating events" and some cheats and the occasional unconscious salad along the way. It was the Super Bowl and Mardi Gras this week. This will always happen and I have done a terrible job managing that.

The next step, now that I have scientific evidence of what I'm doing in the wild, is changing the behavior.

Awareness is hard.

Behavior change even harder.

Because I'm embracing this gradual, drip-drip process, I'm hatching a plan that hopefully will help me develop a daily eating plan that will incorporate into my fun-loving, omnivorous lifestyle.

Stay tuned.

We Rise Again From Ashes

Today is Ash Wednesday. While this is not a spiritual blog in any specific way, I'm using my faith practice to help with my journey of health. I'm also using my health journey as part of my spiritual journey.

ALERT: I'm not going to espouse any sort of specific spirituality, so please don't worry. But I am going to reference what I know so bear with me. 

I'm feeling very reflective and somber today. And yes, it's partially because I do practice (somewhat loosely), my native faith and I will honestly tell you even when I was a militant atheist, I secretly focused inward during Lent. And, this particular time in the Christian calendar remains my personal favorite. I also grew up in South Louisiana, and while people nationwide are embracing the Mardi Gras spirit, I don't think the carnival season has any meaning without what is supposed to follow.

I had the chance to spend the early part of the parade season in New Orleans with a dear friend who is also named Lynn and whose birthday is the day after mine. Also, her dad is from the city so she also shares a direct connection to it. We always talked about going to New Orleans together and we made it happen.

Right after an amazing 25 cent martini lunch at Commander's Palace.

It was glorious! In between drinking and celebrating, we browsed art galleries and antique shops on Magazine, wandered through the Lafayette #1 cemetery on Washington Street and let ourselves wilt like delicate Southern flowers in our gorgeous St. Charles Avenue apartment. It was a dream of mine to be on St. Charles Avenue during carnival and this was it. I got to spend time with my parents, cousins, friends and drink in the sounds, smells, and ambience of my beloved Mardi Gras. It was so much fun (clean, legal fun, but fun!).

Krewe of Cleopatra, Friday January 29.

And, all that revelry has led me to today where I'm very ready to be sober, reflective and focused. I'm taking a leap and giving up alcohol for the entire Lenten season. I'm doing it to feel better and to see what taking that one thing out of my life will do for me overall. Six weeks is a good time frame to see if there's a difference and I'm going to be paying very close attention to that. But also, in the Catholic tradition, those things you give up are supposed help you focus more on your spiritual self and I've felt very disconnected from that so my intention is come back to that. I do not force my own beliefs on others, by any means, but I do think feeding your soul in whatever way you choose is essential to one's well being.

In addition, I'm going to follow the Catholic tradition of fasting today and not eating meat (land animals). Today I'm supposed to only eat the equivalent of one meal throughout the day. This is to be in solidarity with the poor. And, we eat fish to help the fishermen. I like that.

I'll be blogging my way through these next six weeks so we'll see how it goes.

But, let's look back on my fun time leading up to today. (These photos are not in chronological order).

Brass band for 'Tit Rex in the Marigny, Jan. 30.

Chewbacchus, January 30.

Breakfast with my friends, L-to-R, Dinee, me, Lynn and Brad, Jan. 31.

My cousin, Kelly and her husband, Andy and her wonderful kids, Parker and Avery met me for Sunday parades on Jan. 31.

We didn't really attack the oyster man at Pascal Manales. He was such a good sport. Jan. 28.

Streetcars right in front of my apartment was MAGIC!

The "during" of the 25 cent martini lunch at Commander's. (No these are not in order).

Chewbacchus, Jan. 30

My birthday lunch, Jan. 30.

Avery is my godchild. She's got wonderful New Orleans spirit! Also, check out my "guns." Yeah, I work out.

'Tit Rex is this wonderful "micro" krewe. So creative! 

The Lynns shared a LOT of King Cake on this trip!